first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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