I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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