it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
