Even my vagina gasped.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
