Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
