My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
