I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
