You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was confusing and full of hummus
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
