the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize