Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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