FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
