I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
