how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
