my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize