Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
