My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
