that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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