Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize