My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
