1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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