Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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