Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I checked into jail on foursquare
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
