The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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