I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
