You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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