If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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