No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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