happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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