i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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