Having a random hookup so left but love u
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
