I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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