guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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