you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize