So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
