is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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