Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
