she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
