he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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