im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
