i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
