Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
