It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
