Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
