I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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