Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
