talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
