She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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