I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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