people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love you.
Bad choice
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