her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize