My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
