he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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