Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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