My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
