were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
