Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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