this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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