So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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