I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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