This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
