Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
