Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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