Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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