Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
