OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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